Another funny one....

Happy Friday! Here's another funny one for your weekend - the PG version of an email that Dad sent to me. Enjoy!

A man in the Safeway Store tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some moron wants to buy half a head of lettuce.' As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

'Canada , sir,' the boy replied.

'Well, why did you leave Canada?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but trashy women and hockey players up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada .'

'Holy cow!' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'

Home Security

Dad emailed this to me, and I thought it was too funny not to post, especially in these hard economic times.......

How to install a home security system...

1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size 14 -16 (well used).
2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Gun and Ammo magazine.
3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a handwritten note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba! Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me went for more ammo...be back in about 1 hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house. Just wait outside til we get back. -Cooter"

Funny thing - this would probably work in my neighborhood.

M.I.A.?

I'm doing it again - going missing for days and weeks at a time on the blog. I'm surprised anyone still reads it.

Or do they :) ?

Anyways, it's been super-crazy lately. Hokie had his follow-up with the vet, and it looks like we dodged a major bullet - he seems to be fine with no permanant damage. Please let everyone you know that has dogs about this very potential danger.

Random stream-of-consciousness note: it just started snowing outside! There was no snow anywhere in the forecast for today!? I need spring!

So anyways, there's been lots going on lately that I don't want to talk about just yet, but I will reveal in time (how's that for suspense). Don't get worried though, it's nothing to do with family, kids, or my general existence :) Once I get some things in motion, I will be more relaxed and will hopefully have more time to keep up with everything else.

As a final note, I will plea to my Atlanta Braves to PLEASE sign somebody worthwhile! First, we let Teixeira go, then Smoltz, and now we've lost our shot at Griffey. Please, I don't want us to stink again this year. MLB is already turning me off, and you the only organization that makes me hold on. Don't blow it.

Spring....maybe?

A random observation - I heard the birds singing the other morning! Now, either that means that Spring is right around the corner, or that the birds are pretty stupid and are going to freeze when winter sets back in (which according to the weather report, will happen next week). I would like to think it's the former - I absolutely love Spring.

When I was younger (even up until a few years ago), I looked forward to winter. I liked colder weather, and I liked the prospect of snow. As I become a grouchier old man (ha), I find myself cursing winter and wishing I was as intelligent as those birds, flying south for the winter. I still get excited when we get a good snowfall, but that excitement quickly wanes when I realize I'm not longer eligible for snow days ;)

I enjoy it being light when I leave for work in the morning, and the hint of light that is starting to stick around when I get home. I look forward to getting out the lawnmower and tiller and getting to work on the yard and garden. I look forward to being able to let both little monsters (the two-legged and four-legged ones) outside to run and play.

But really, I mostly look forward to my hawaiian shirts and my tiki torches.

I'm sure we'll have to freeze through a few more weeks first.

Hokie's home!

After a tense end-of-the-week, we finally got to bring Hokie home yesterday, and he seemed very happy to see us! He responded well to the overall treatment, but we had some scares when his blood sugar kept dropping every time they took him off the IV. However, the sugar stablized, and they released him yesterday morning. He is on three different medications for the next couple of weeks, and he will have to go back to the vet in a week for more tests to make sure everything is looking ok. We will have to keep a detailed check on him for a while to make sure his glucose levels are good and his liver is ok.

So PLEASE, spread the word to all the dog owners you know about the dangers of xylitol. We are among the few lucky ones; if we had not called the vet, or if the nurse didn't ask the vet about the gum, we may have lost him that first night. This looks to be one of the most toxic poisions to dogs that is very commonly around the house. The treatment, if they catch it soon enough to be effective, is long, taxing, and VERY expensive.

I think that in 20 or 30 years, we ourselves are going to realize that all of these artificial sweeteners and such are causing us more damage than good. I think I'll stick with good ole' bubble yum and big league chew from now on :)

Hokie update

Hokie is through his first night at the vet and seems to be doing well. I talked with the vet last night, and it sounds like it was a good thing we got him in as quick as we did. His blood sugar had dropped (they are now keeping that stabilized), and the "toxic" enzyme in his liver was elevated, though it was still at a readable level (the vet said that during extremely dangerous cases of this, the enzyme level will be off the charts). We still aren't in the clear yet as far as liver damage as it can take 12-72 hours for the enzyme levels to peak. They are keeping him on an IV, trying to flush out his system. He will be hooked up for three days, after which we can hopefully bring him home. He seems to be happy and is spreading his love at the office :)

I'll update again after I talk with the vet this morning.

A VERY serious post.

We've all heard about how chocolate is toxic to dogs. There are many other items, such as grapes and raisins, that can be just as harmful. However, we got hit with a new one today. Hokie got into a pack of chewing gum, and was throwing up later. I called the vet, and the nurse on the phone said that he should be ok if he was throwing it up - not a big deal. I hung up, and my phone rang again in less than a minute. She had talked to the vet, and then asked me if the gum had xylitol in it. Well, we usually only buy Trident, which uses xylitol as their primary sweetener. She told us the vet wanted us to bring Hokie in right away.

I looked it up, and xylitol is extremely poisionous to dogs. Just one stick, if fully ingested, can be enough to kill a small dog if not immediately treated. What it does, among other things, is drop a dog's blood sugar level to a dangerously low level. It can also cause permanant liver and kidney damage.

Hokie is at the vet where he has already had blood tests and is on an IV. Before anyone panics and over-reacts, he seems to be doing well and is in "good spirits." Since he threw up so much, we hope he got most all of it out of his system. I will hear back from the vet tonight - Hokie will probably be at the vet for 3 days for observation and to make sure all of the toxins are out of his system.

SO (my main reason for posting this), please watch your dogs and watch where you keep gum and other toxins. No matter how well they are trained, most dogs will think it's food for them and will go for it. I will keep the blog updated on Hokie's progress.